How did I end up here?
Have you ever had that thought? I have asked myself that questions many times. As I reflect on my life, I have a couple of those moments that are the most vivid. Mainly, my first introductory ceremony in the military Chemical Corps, held in a dark candle lit gym, where I felt like I was entering into a cult, the second when the plane wheels hit in Kuwait when I was a very young, 23 year old officer, on my deployment.
Now, over 15 years later, I felt the wheels touch down again in “no-man’s land”. As I looked out the airplane window, that memory of Kuwait came streaming through my head and the infamous question “How did I end up here” but this time, the question was phrased a bit different
“What the hell am I doing here God?”
Instantly the answer was clear: Walking the path of your life, but this time with unconditional love.
I smiled and thought, well, alright then, let’s make this supportive, safe, and swift - shall we. And so it is.
If I have learned anything in over a year of Twin Flame Ascension School, peace is found within. The external has absolutely nothing to do with the internal. Only love is real.
With that intention, I and the other 8 passengers on a 32 man aircraft made our way to baggage claim. As we arrived, the bags were already on the belt because, well, there are only 3 planes on the line and 8 passengers.
This place is not on the top 100 vacation spots in the world.
I had enough time after my flight landed before my ride showed up to grab something to eat. Airplane food sucks but not having any idea where I was about to go, any food is better than being hungry or a Meal Ready to Eat (MRE) that was prepared for human consumption 10 years ago.
My escort showed on time and I felt completely supported. He was a Polish Infantryman assigned as admin and very bored, but extremely sweet. As he drove me through town, I saw a piece of the world most people do not know exists (to include me less than 24 hours ago - I literally had to google it).
I had incredible compassion for everything my eyes touched. I was completely immersed in an energy of survival, there was no thriving in sight.
I don’t remember feeling this way last time I was in a similar area. I was more concerned about the safety of my Soldiers and myself and getting us back home than I am today. I feel now that wherever I am, I am home. I feel completely safe and protected. (Having a very skilled armed driver also helps, but you know, none the less.)
He enjoyed me too as I was still in my civilian clothes with my blue puffy jacket, pink scarf and stocking hat. It was fucking cold. I looked like a walking flower in this place and I was very cheerful and we were laughing at some of my innocent questions at what I was seeing. We passed a “massage day spa” that looked pretty sketchy. He goes, that is off limits Ma’am. (I of course instantly knew this). Those establishments are very common and most are fronts for illegal activity and organized crime.
“Yeah, looks like a different “massage service” than what I would be interested in”… We both laughed.
We made it to Camp and I have my own room and I’m thankful for the private space. We are only authorized to keep the heater on when in the room, so it was about 25 degrees and FREEZING. My escort had made sure I was provided with clean sheets and a little space heater, I was extremely grateful and I started that right away.
As I looked around, starring at my standard “military issue bunk” - I just started laughing, as this was REALLY not what I was planning on doing this weekend. Ultimately, God’s plan is all that matters.
I unpacked my small bag that included mainly my uniform, warm clothes, a small blanket, an Oracle Card deck and some small crystals w/ Sage. All unpacked.
It was simple but I felt comfy.
Camp was WAY nicer than I thought. It had several little restaurants and even had a little Army store, so I picked up some “creature comforts”. A towel, shower shoes, an extra pillow and a couple of pop-tarts.
I would never have done that before, I would have “sucked it up” and chose to be miserable. NOPE. I just got what I wanted to be as comfortable as possible.
I changed and headed into the Ops Cell. I was welcomed with open arms and treated like a very important person. It was nice to meet some new people and spend time with them. They almost instantly started complaining about stuff on a personal level. I was in the room with the main leader for about 5 minutes before he shut the door to his office and started unloading his burdens. I was instantly trusted. I just sat and listened providing him my active presence.
Later that day, I received an interesting brief that focused on the local people, the social climate, and the leaders. I was very, very, intent on listening to every word as this aligns with my long-term life purpose work of ending all war. It was interesting to see how the leaders on each side think and actually align with each other in most areas. I found that promising.
In the past, I would keep to myself but quickly realized I was here for a purpose, regardless if I knew what it was. I felt it was important to be seen. Even if it was just walking around the Camp. So, I spent a great deal of time practicing presence in this way and meeting new people serving in militaries around the world who are deployed here. I also met some new Americans, all who were very welcoming and helpful. In such small close-nit environments, someone new is always interesting and takes away from the bores of the daily deployment life.
The next morning, I checked in for my duties, all quiet.
There was no one around so I thought I’d go and explore a bit more and find the dining facility (DFAC) for breakfast. I decided to stop in my room first. On the way out to figure out breakfast, I was provided an informal guide. An American Air Force master sergeant walked out of her room the same time as me. We both said hello and she asked me if I was new. I said No, I was just passing through.
She just started talking to me and naturally walked me over to the DFAC and showed me around and told me how everything worked. I was grateful for her hospitality and support. I felt completely at ease. I enjoyed a delicious breakfast and made a sandwich for lunch. One of the best things about Europe, they eat for breakfast what Americans eat for lunch. Since this was an international dining facility, they strived to serve everyone. So, I made a yummy cheese and salami sandwich, grabbed a banana and a couple bottles of water for lunch - perfect!
I spent the rest of the time in the operations area. I made one phone call and it was quickly brought to my attention my “God-job” is NOT what I was ordered here to do. The phone call caused a great deal of unnecessary confusion and chaos and I laughed. Alright, back to just “Being” and providing presence.
Somewhere along this experience, I realized how much love I provide to those in my presence just by being with them. I was underestimating my current spiritual mastery, how much I love my military family and how much they enjoy having me around, even if they don’t understand it. There is great power in inner peace and the universe responds to it through others. It feels very solid and affirming to come to this awareness in a very physical way.
As I write this, I realize God is giving me a taste of what's to come as I continue bringing M.A.P. into the military formation. I deeply desire to spread it worldwide in these areas that only know and communicate through violence and organized crime.
The other major lesson I have learned is to move forward in Faith through all things with peace. My plan does not matter, only God’s Plan matters. My job is simply maintaining inner peace and answering the Call for Love.
As I come full circle, it's no longer "How did I get here?" or "What the Hell and I doing here, God" - Now it's -
"God, where are we going next?"
Please reference the Glossary for terms and resources.
*If you are inspired and choose to deepen your relationship with Love by joining TFAS or Life Purpose Class - I invite you to refer me, Chrissy Kay, at time of purchase. You will receive 4 weeks of FREE coaching in my live group coaching class. Check it out here.