© 2017 Space for the Soul with Chrissy

My Journey Home - 26 - Transcending Abandonment

June 25, 2018

My first stop on my trip was in Columbus, Ohio. I was originally flying in to attend a family wedding but as the intentions of my invitation unfolded, I decided to honor myself fully and detoured to Columbus. I met up with my “wedding date” for the weekend. I thought Columbus was great because it knocked off 3 hours of driving time for her and I could catch up and visit with my brother and family prior to flying to Arizona. It’s funny as I write this and identify her as my wedding date because as this experience unfolded - I had a clip from the movie Friends with Benefits run through my head. 

 

Joss and I went to college together and over the last 15 plus years we have always kept in touch. We both arrived late on Friday and just grabbed some dinner. Saturday was wonderful, we went to the Columbus Community Festival which had some fun original displays, workshop booths, junk food, and music. We met up with her brother for lunch and finished up the day with a Movie. I had no desire to drink and simply practiced presence and enjoyed the day with my friend. During the day we had talked about breakfast the next morning and I told her about some groups I had scheduled for early Sunday morning.

 

 (As we walked around the Community Festival, we checked out a little pond, in the center was a statue with 2 Elephants playing....I smiled as this sign did not go unnoticed... as I place God, Myself, and My Twin at the center of my life. I received this sign with gratitude, as elephants have a special meaning for Mario and I). 

 

Now, prior to my healing - you could not catch me near a horror movie. My life was a basket of horrors and scary enough without adding cinematic flavor. Joss, loves horror movies. After the festival we decided to go to the movies, as we stood in line for tickets, I was drawn to seeing the new horror movie. I did not feel afraid, as I know fear does not exist and I decided to do it. The movie was dumb - it was not scary at all and I walked out laughing. Not even a year ago, I would have had nightmares for weeks. 

 

On a side note, the theater had recliner seats. I have never experienced this before and was surprised ALL seats in the theater are recliners. I thought they were special seats and when I asked for the nice seats, the salesperson was like “welcome to the 21st century”…. It was funny. 

 

Following the movie, we went to play some games at Dave and Busters, it was a really fun day! I thought not drinking would be weird for us as our relationship was pretty much built on partying but that was not true as I had fun anyways!

 

The next morning, I get up around 5 am, complete my daily meditation and grab my computer to go down stairs as I didn’t want to wake Joss for my 6am group chat. As I finish and come back up stairs around 730 to go grab breakfast. Joss' stuff is all gone.

 

I figure I must have missed her and she was down in the lobby….I headed down to find her, she was no where to be found. Nope she left. She left without saying goodbye, without sending me a message looking for me, or honestly looking for me at all. It was not difficult to find me and my car was parked next to hers in the lot. She just left me. 

 

I checked my phone and I had a note from her saying she tried to find me and was sorry she could not say goodbye before leaving at 630am. Less than 30 minutes from the time I left the room, she had packed up her stuff, freshened up, and drove away. 

 

I of course instantly went into mirroring my upset. I was extremely sad my “best friend” left me. This was abandonment energy. As I mirrored and chose to love myself and make new choices, I started feeling calm but I knew I wasn’t finished. I had little time before my Life Purpose Class Chat and didn’t want to bother them with this but I felt a deep desire to attend.

 

I was hosting this week but was still in the middle of my upset. As the chat started, I instantly asked for help, this was not my style but I felt it was the right choice. I learned over the last year it is more than OK to ask for help, it is a sign of strength.  

 

My TFAS Classmate and friend Stephanie jumped right in to hold space for me. It didn’t take us long and Steph said, there is more here. I agreed but we moved into the topic for our chat. As Stephanie was talking to someone else, I felt a great deal of energy release and flow through my system and then I saw the memory run through my head.

 

The memory of 1.5 years ago, my “Best Friend” Scott manhandling me and as I walked away to protect myself for the night and returned the next morning - He was gone….He left me. In the middle of Missouri. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I healed this energy. As I walked through that traumatic event with Jeff during my Mind Alignment Process session. 

 

I sat in awe at this scenario unfolding in my life with Joss. 

 

God is amazing. I set intentions for this trip and made the choice to walk the path of my life but this time with unconditional love. 

 

God definitely delivered. 

 

As I healed and went deeper into this path, I saw all the men I dated, each one flashing before me, leaving me behind in some way. As I easily and quickly released everyone of these memories and returned to Joss, I saw the clip from Friends with Benefits… were the guy sneaks out the morning after while the girl is grabbing them some coffee….minutes from the time she leaves, he runs….some date huh? 

 

I have been on this journey long enough to know what these random movie clips are in my head. 

 

Joss' apologies for her actions came streaming in since her departure. As I reflected on all of this, I realized the importance of my core values and choosing to create circles of people in my life who align with the same core values of communication, authenticity, growth, compassion, and honesty. 

 

I love my dear friend unconditionally and have great compassion for her as she sits in the upsets she has created with her actions.

 

When Scott did this to me, I ran to my timeshare to deal with it alone. I did not tell anyone, just him. I screamed, cried, pleaded he come fix it…mourned for days as I healed physically and emotionally numbed out to it. He was simply an extreme mirror to what I was not seeing in every other relationship in my life.

 

There was no depth, every relationship was created on a false foundation of conditional love, deep seeded illusions, and drama.

 

That is not what my life resembles now. I am creating deep relationships with others based on a grounded foundation of unconditional love. This foundation is my life and my choices to honor myself completely and surround myself by others who honor themselves. For those who choose otherwise, they will be invited to go deeper and I will respect their choices. 

 

As this unfolded, I did not project onto Joss as I did with Scott. I instantly mirrored my feelings. Went to my heart space to heal and make new choices aligned in love. I asked for help when I needed it and received love in return. 

 

My life will be filled with those who choose to love themselves and do not run from fear or upsets but face them down and align within. I know many do not know the way to heal. As I did with Joss, my role is to invite others to choose love and when they choose to go deeper, I will guide them home. If they choose fear, I will respect their choices and continue moving forward into greater abundance, growth and opportunities. 

 

As I made these choices - I was gifted a great moment of meeting my niece Leah Christine for the first time and spending some quality time with my other niece Ava and Brother C.J. and Sister Kim. It was a wonderful evening of family fun and Disney Princess Movies to include Aladdin and Lady and the Tramp (hehehe). 

 

As I leave Columbus, I feel extremely grateful for this new awareness my friend delivered to me through her actions. I continue on my path with love in my heart.

 

Off to Arizona!!! 

 

Next Chapter

 

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Please reference the Glossary for terms and resources. 

 

*If you are inspired and choose to deepen your relationship with Love by joining TFAS or Life Purpose Class - I invite you to refer me, Chrissy Kay, at time of purchase. You will receive 4 weeks of FREE coaching in my live group coaching class. Check it out here. 

 

 

 

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